i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
