Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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