i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
