you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
