did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
