dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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