not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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