My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
