mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize