Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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