dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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