i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I need a beard to bite.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
