I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
