Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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