You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
