Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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