I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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