alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
