Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize