Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Small penises have feelings too.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
