the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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