I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The Olympian is in my bed
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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