She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
a search helicopter?!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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