Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
