There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
