So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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