It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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