Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
