Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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