guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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