I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
