shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
