thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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