2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
