Well apparently he's into motor boating.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
