forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
