I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
