Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
