Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
