C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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