I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
