im having a threesome with these popsicles
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
