you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
