I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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