my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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