Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
