who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
