dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I have feelings that need drinking.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
