so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
