and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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