something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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