This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
