I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
