matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
