I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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