ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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