So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
