i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
not ubering you a puppy
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
