So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
