you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
