i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just pee around me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize