Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
