I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
