She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
