so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You can't motorboat a personality
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
