Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
