He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
